so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
