I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
