just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
