so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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