I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
