Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
