Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Congratulations! We have a period
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