I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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