omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
