What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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