I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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