so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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