did you get engaged???
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The feeling are messing with the penis
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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