her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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