Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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