I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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