ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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