i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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