once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
