that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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