Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
