Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
