I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
