omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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