my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
