I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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