There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
