so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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