I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
