I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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