Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
did you just send me my own nude
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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