you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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