why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize