why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm bleeding and have questions
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
