her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
