I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Drunk is a universal language darling
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