Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
