i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
