Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
