Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
