Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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