i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
