They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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