Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
