i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
