omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
