Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
