so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
