WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
