I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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