Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
