I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
