My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
