Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
