Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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