Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
