How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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