oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
