i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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