I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
