I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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