OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
