I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
