I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
