I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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