Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize