help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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