I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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