I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize