one might say we're banned from that church
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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