why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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