Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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