who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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