please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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