After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
