She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
