I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
