This is not my ceiling
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
