I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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