Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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