Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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