and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
