He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Drunk is not a location!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
