It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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