There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
