we're blogging at a bar
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
